Remember that time when I invited you to suck it? Well, I really meant it. I can’t tell you how tired I am of you giving my friends cancer and heartache and miscarriages and, like, death and stuff. I don’t know what your fucking problem is. Were you teased mercilessly as a child? Did your parents make you eat lima beans? Did you have a really mean gym teacher? Are you sensitive about the size of your ass? You know what, you should really get over it.
Are you mad because I haven’t been posting movie reviews? Okay, here:
My Fair Lady: Everything I love in my adult life is in this movie.
The Sound of Music: Well, except for the love of love. This is my favorite movie ever made. It may not be the best, but it’s my favorite.
A Man for All Seasons: I’ve always hated Thomas More for the vicious Tudor lies he had to spread about Richard III, but this yarn was so compelling that it made me read up on the subject and find out who the real villains were.
In the Heat of the Night: Total surprise. I knew this was about civil rights and shit, but hot damn, it was good, and is clearly the genesis of the buddy cop flick.
Oliver!: Love it. Love the tragic co-dependent romance. Love the singin’ and dancing. Love that Mr. Dickens. Best Picture? I think Lion in Winter got robbed, but I still love it.
Midnight Cowboy: The best part was when it was over, thus I was able to announce that I’d never have to watch it again. Seriously, this made me want to drink myself into a coma. I wish I’d never seen it. The last of my innocence is gone. But GOD DAMN it, Universe, you gave the Oscar to the best picture for once. Genius.
Now fucking leave my friends alone. I am serious.
I like lima beans.
Ok, how come my Google Reader feed hasn’t been keeping me up to date with your blog?! Travesty!
Lima beans are the work of “the devil”, whatever that is. And Brussels sprouts too.